A lonley Cutter (OPEN FOR ANYONE)

He sat down on the swing and drew her close to him, an arm around her shoulders. He began the swing moving gently. It was a nice night, peaceful and full of scents from flowers and trees. In one day he had had found someone that made him feel alive and send the thoughts of Iraq from his mind. He knew she had problems as well and he was determined to help her with them. The first thing he needed to do is find her another outlet, so she did not cut herself. Doing such things hurt her and could be dangerous. Another thing he wanted to do is make sure she knew that he did care for her and would be there for her.

He moved his other hand up to her face turning it to face him and drew her to him and kissed her lips once more. Their taste was delicious and then he let his toung slip past her lips to duel with hers.

Dani relaxed in his arms closing her eyes allowing the swing motion and his touch to calm her down. She sighed softly feeling at home. She knew that he had been through a lot and it should be he that leaned on her but she had to admit even just being in his arms felt good. She could still be there for him but right now she was simply enjoying being in his arms and the smells, the fresh flowers, the fresh air. Everything seemed so right. Even her brothers strange behavior latly was far from her mind it was just her and him alone in the world.

As he brought a hand to her face she opened her eyes slightly smiling softly at him. As their lips met she let out a small gasp he tasted so good. And he smellled marvously she brought a hand to his face and soflty strocked it. Feeling his tongue she sighed and soflty massaged his tongue with her own her eyes closed tightly she was oblivious to aything else it was just him and her.

Dustin meanwhile spyed Alex making the moves on her sister and stood and walked over and cleared his thoart Dani didn’t hear him so he cleared it louder this time Dani heard it and broke the kiss. And turned her attention to him. Dustin shook his head and turned his attention to Dustin. “What are your intentions with my sister.” Before he could anserw Dani let out a laugh. “Ohh Dustin calm down” She turned to Alex “He thinks he needs to protect m from you” She shurgged and leaned against him again and waited to see what the two boys would do.

Alex looked up at Dustin. "My intentions?" he began. "Well first of all to make her my girl and make sure everyone knows it." She snggled into him and it felt good. "You don't have to worry." he turned back to look at Dani, "I will not hurt her if that is what you are worried about." he gave Dani a warm smile. He didn't know how, and didn't care, but he knew she was the girl for him. Even with her trying to feel alive by cutting herself, she was the one for him.

He turned his head back to Dustin. "Also I don't intend on anyone else hurting her again either." He was talking about the other kids at school, but he also ment it for him, if he was planning what he thought he was.

Dustin glared into Alex, he had never seen his sister act like this before and it confused him, why hadnt she leaned on him, he was the older brother it was his job to protect her and now someone else was doing it? That didnt seem right. So Dustin wanted to make his sister his girlfriend, well he couldnt fault him for that, Dani did have a great spirt. "Alright but I promse you that if you hurt her, break her heart I will promise you, YOU will regrete it. He himself regrated the words as soon as they were out of his mouth, he was about to hurt Dani, but his was different. Wasnt it?

As Alex glared at him and made his promise Dusti shuffled uncomfortably. "Well thats good, Dani needs someone" Dani blushed and nuzzled into Alex as Dustin walked away. "Alex I am sorry about my brother, but see what I mean by odd moods?"

Alex hoped that his last statement to Dustin would make him think twice about doing anything stupid that would hurt his sister. He felt her again nuzzle into him and it made him smile. He liked the feeling, could not get enough of it. He had seen his mother and father on the swing just like this, and now he knew what his father was feeling. It made him feel he was on top of the world.

"Its ok Dani. He is your brother and is only trying to make sure no one hurts you. I know I would be doing the same if not more if I had a sister. Now that I have you....." he kissed her cheek gently, "there will be no more people throwing things at you or any ot the other things the were doing." He then placed a hand on her fore arm. "Dani..... I know it will be hard, but I want you to promise me that you will try. Try not to do this any more. You have me now and there is so much more to make you feel alive then that." There was consern in his voice as he spoke, also more. There was the feelings he was having for her.

Dustin sat back down and took out the forms again and looked up at his sister then back at the form. Then back at his sister then sighed and put it aside and contiuned to work on his math, he would go into the recutment office and take it from there, he still felt like he had to do this, he had to serve his country, plus it paid well, and if anything did happen to him he would make sure Dani was taken care of. He finished his homework. "All done Dani I am going to bed good night" He left his homework there for her to check then went up he stairs to bed leaving them alone.

Dani nodded "Alright Dustin get some sleep" She then turned to Alex. "He does care, but I think that was mainly for you and not me. " She blushed as he continued "Aww thank you Alex, I know you would protect me" But as he made his promise she shook his head "Why though? They will just turn on you, and I am sure you will not flatten a cheer leader the way to you did for the ROTC brats" She grinned at that memory but it quickly fadded when he placed her hand on his forearm. She refused to look him in the eyes as he spoke but when he finished she shook her head "No, for I will make the promise and I will fail then I will feel guilty and the cycle will start all over again"

She stood and held herself then smiled faintly "Surely you understand" Then she turned and walked back into the house and went to check her brothers homework she signed his agenda and went to close it. The pamphlet dropped to the floor but her attention was on her cat. "Okay okay I am coming to feed you." She fed both animals then turned around to see where Alex was.

He sighed when she would not promise to even try. Even if she failed, she would have at least tried and perhaps later on would be able to succeed, when she learned why she had failed the first time. But he would not give up. He knew she really did not need to cut herself anymore. When she stood up and then walked back into the house he sat there for a few more minutes, then rose from the swing and came inside.

He noticed something on the floor by the table. Evidently Dani had not noticed it as she was paying attention to her cat. Dustin squated down and picked it up and looked at it. A pamplet from the army recruiter. Now Alex knew for sure what Dustin was up to. It would crush his sister should she find out. Alex didn't know what he should do about it. Tell her, talk to Dustin, tell him what he would be facing should he join the army. He folded the pamplet up and put it in his back pocket before Dani was done feeding the dog and cat. She didn't need to see it right then and there.

"Well I guess it is time for us to get to bed. We all have to be up early tommorow." his mother would be up and off to work early, generally before he was off to school.

Dani saw Alex and walked to him and held his hands. “Alex I know you are disapointed in me” She lowered her gaze. “I have tried many times but I just cant stop, it has controle of me now and I am so scared to quit.” She leaned her head down o his chest. She was shaking hard no tears forming but it was the closet she had gotten to tears in years. “Sometimes I do it so I can make sure I can still feel pain, other times I do it without even fully realizing what I am doing. I don’t excpet you to understand I don’t even understand most times”

As he recomened they go to bed she broke from the hug and nodded “Alright” She walked up to the bathroom brushed her teeth her hair then washed her face she then cleaned the sink and walked to Alex standing on ther tiptoes gave him a peck on the cheek then walked into her room, both her cat and dog followed her and jumped on her bed.

Dani smiled at them changed out of her jeans into some pajama pants and a over sized t-shirt. Since she was in her room she didn’t both with her hoddie she instead flipped on her computer and began to surf, she wouldt be able to sleep for sometime to come still and needed to kill the time.

She kept her eye on her bag which held her razor finally she could not handle it any more she reached for the bag grabbed the blade from the box cutter lifted her sleve and held the blade to her skin,

when she took his hands in hers and lean her head on his chest, he could feel her shaking hard. She explained herself but still he knew she could beat it. "You don't need to feel pain. You have already felt enough of it. Also I am her now. I know you are stronger then you think. If you do not wish to promise, just try then. For me." He raised her head up and kissed her lips gently.

When she went in to brush her teeth and hair, he stood there watching, leaning on the door jam. He smiled as she gave him a peck on the cheek and then went into her room. He went to his and stripped down to his underware then pulled the sheets blankets down on the bed and laid down. Getting to sleep was never a problem with him, but of late staying asleep the whole night was. He was soon alseep and the dreams began. The sounds of battle, gunfire, exposions from mortershells, grenades filled the air. He could smell the cordite, feel the dust and grit on his skin and in his lungs. Moving, firing, the feel of the concusion of something exploding sending him reeling back, bits of stone, dust and metal flying through the air, the screams of pain filling his ears. Then blood, lots of blood, his friend, his legs blown off, bleeding profusely from them.

He was breathing hard his body coated in sweat, moving violently, he was calling out his friends name, and screaming NO, STAY WITH ME, YOU WILL BE ALRIGHT. Suddenly he sat bolt upright in bed, shaking like a leaf.

Dani sat on the bed with the blade to her arm. Her mind drifted to Alex’s words was she really stronger then she thought? She had to think about it. She HAD delt with her mother leaving, and her father being deployed nurmours times then his death. She had kept the school in the dark about them being alone. She had handled the funeral alone and everything else. She shook her head and placed the blade down. She wouldn’t make any promises but she could silently try. She reached in to he bag and pulled out an elastic band and put it around her wrist and began snapping it. She needed something to distract her. She stood and walked to her window she smiled. Her life had taken a change in one short day she had found herself a boyfriend, she smiled at that thought, she guessed they were boyfriend and girlfriend now, they hadnt spoken the words but yes they indeed were. Not only that they had found a place to live. She hadnt told Dustin or Alex but the grace period for them living in military housing was coming up. She didn’t know what they would have done if Alex hadnt come by.

She turned to her bed both of her animals had sat up and her dog freedom was whinning softly. Then she heard it the thashing it was comeing from Alex’s room, forgetting the face that she did not have a sweater on she raced to his room, she burst through the door and flipped on the light. She saw him sititng up drenched in sweat and shaking.

she walked to him slowly sat down behind him and pulled him into her arms. “Its okay, it was a bad dream, you are home now, I got you, its going to be okay” She softly kissed his temple and strocked his hair. Continully to whisper to him attempting to calm him down she laid his head down on her chest so he could hear her heart beat. “I am here now Alex”

Alex was staring straight ahead, breathing heard his body covered in a cold sweat. It took a moment for him to feel her arms about him holding him and her voice trying to comfort him. He took a few deep breaths and brought his hands up to close on hers. "I'll be alright. Just another dream." He leaned his head back resting it on her shoulders, his eyes closed, a pained look on his face. I couldn't save him. "

Mary came to the door and looked in. There was concern in her eyes but also a sence of releif. Dani was there, holding him as she had held her husband a number of time, after he came back from deployments. She was glad Dani was there. Alex needed someone just like her husband had needed her. She saw Dani's arms and her heart went out to the poor girl. She wanted to go to her but knew it might not be the right thing to do. She slipped from the door and went back to her own, knowing that Alex was in good hands.

Dani continued to hold him close to her. Resting her head on his. "Ohh Alex" She kissed his forhead again. "Its not your fault Alex please you got to belive that" She paused her anger was seething. "Its those bastard insurgant scumbags" The look on his face tore Dani's heart to peices, it was the same look her father held when he heard of the death of neighbour and friends. She bent down and kissed his lips ever so softly. "I know you did your best but with those bastards attack its a mircule any of you got out"

She heard a noise at the door and looked up, her heart sank even further it was Mary, and Dani was with her protection of her hoddie she swallowed hard watched as Mary left then she turned her attention to Alex "Alex I am here now and I know you did your best" She continued to hold him tightly. She wouldnt let go until he was asleep even then she doubted that she would he needed her and Dani needed to be needed.

Alex relaxed a bit. His breathing was slowing and becoming normal. His body no longer shook, and the sweat was drying. He heard her words, and knew she was right, but he had been Alex's friend and he died. He had been infront of Alex, when the RPG had hit right infront of him. His friend had taken the full force of the blast. The concusion had knocked Alex to the ground.

Alex began telling her what happened. Then he told her, "The fire fight after kept us pinned down. He bleed to death. " As he sat there two of the scars from being wounded were visable. One on his right arm and one just between the arm and chest.

Dani felt him relaxed and kisses his top of the head again. She stroked his face softly kissing him. She continued to hold him as he started his story. Silently listening allowing him to get it off his chest. She closed her eyes and she cold almost picture it although she had never been there. The way he discribed it made it so vivid.

She saw the wounds and softly touched them. "Ohhh Alex" She whispered softly looking in his eyes then went back to holding him moving slightly so she could bend down and kiss both wounds. "I am glad you came home safe, I think you were saved to save me" She softly kissed his lips.

Dustin meanwhile had heard the screaming and was by the door. "Well well well what do we have here, first night and you already have her in your bed, well done buddy" She smirked and leaned on the door frame. Dani begain to shake with fury but held on to Alex istead of attacking her brother.

Alex looked at Dustin. "Be thank ful you do not have the nightmares of war that I do. Nightmares of seeing the broken, bloody bodies of friends and comrades in arms over and over again. Smell and taste the cordite, dust and blood in the air. Feel the helplessness of not being able to save them." there was anger in his voice. He took a deep breath and squeezed Dani's hands.

"I'll be alright. Go back to bed." He told her. He brought a hand over to one of the scars. Now and then it hurt. With the light on even Dustin could see them.

Dani held Alex she could hear the fury in his voice. She glared at her brother she could tell what he was saying was hiting a nerve with herbrother. She saw his shifting uncomfortablely. This made Dani raise an eyebrow. She hadn't see her brother act like this before Dustin scoffed underhis breath. "Alex I was just joshing with you' Dani noticed that he wouldnt look her in the eyes.

Dustin saw the wounds. His eyes went wide and he was gone before Dani really caught on what happend. She tunred her attention to Alex. "Alex I am hours away from sleep, I would like to stay with you." She squeezed him and brought her head down and kissed his cheek.

Alex smiled and laid back down. He still held one of her hands in his. He got as comfortable as he could and tried to relax. "If I fall asleeep you need to go get some. It seemed that his words had cut into Dustin and he hoped that he got a glimps of what he was headed for should he join the army. No one was prepared for what they found over there. The first time he had killed someone he was sick for two days. After that it didn't bother him, but the death of his friends and of others that were inocent people did. Should Dustin join the army and be sent to Iraq he would find that he was better off doing something else.

It was not long before he was asleep. Having Dani there was soothing. Before he fell asleep he wished she was able to stay there with him. Wondered how it would feel to have her next to him every night, snuggled up in each other's arms.

Dani didnt understand what was her brothers issue but his moods were begining to grate on her nerves. But she pushed him out of his thoughts and focused on Alex right now. He felt so right in her arms and she was looking forward to more time like this. She didnt want to let go of him. She wanted to protect him from his dreams and his memories. "If you fall asleep I will try and get some rest Alex don't worry about me"

She listened to his breathing when it became more soft she knew that he had fallen asleep. After a hour or two of holding him she finally felt tired enough to get some sleep. But now she was stuck in his bed with him. She looked at the clock 0400 she sighed and lowered her body slightly and while she still held on to him she attempted to get some sleep she was still in the seated posstion but around 0500 she finally fell asleep. Her last thoughts were of how they would have to wake in one hour and how she was sure her father was up in heaven smiling down at her.

Mary awoke early as usual and passed the open door of Alex's room. She saw Dani there laying next to Alex and smiled. She was on top of the covers and dressed in her night clothes. Alex was under the covers and both had their arms intwined with each other. She could tell that nothing had gone on and didn't give it another thought. She went down stairs and made some coffee before going back upstairs to take a shower.

Alex awoke and found Dani laying there with him. He pulled her closer and kissed her cheek. "It is time to get up." he whispered. After the first dream he had no more of them. Perhaps Dani being so close and her arms about him may have helped.

Dani had been asleep only 3-4 hours when she felt herself being pulled then someone kissing her on her cheek. She awoke with a start her eyes darting around until she remembered where she was. Then she turned to Alex. "Morning Alex, you kinda pinned me down last night so I couldnt really get out of here" Her eyes widened, what will your mothe think?" She the stared at her arms. "Oh god no, Alex, your mom saw me last night, she....she saw my arms." She shook her head "How am I going to face her Alex? She is going to think I am pathetic"

She rose from the bed and begain to pace in his room then looked at him. "I got to get ready for school" She went to her room on her way there she ran into Dustin she glared at him and he gave her a pained look. "Dani listen I dint mean anything by last night..just trying to break the tension" Dani looked at him "Its not me you need to be talking to and you know it" Dustin looked at her "Aww Dani do I gotta?" Dani nodded. "I think it might be best , weather you like it your not your freak sister caught herself a man" Dustin reached out his hand "Dani how many times do I have to tell you you are not a freak" Dani just smiled "Now stop stalling and go" She reached out and punched him in the arm he laughed "Does Alex know how violent you are?" Dani just laughed and shook her head "Get ready for school"

Dani went into her room changed making sure she had a sweater on, placeing the blade hidden in her bag. Packed up her homework and the laptop and went down stairs fed her animals and waited for the boys to come down.

Meanwhile Dustin knocked on Alex's door once granted premission he entered and stood by the door. "Ahhh listen man I didnt mean anythig by last thight I am trying to make light of things, I can see you care for my sister, and I thank you for that, she needs someone like you" It was clear that he was not used to makeing apolgoies he manly dlet with issues by knocking heads together.

When she got up from the bed and his arms, he sighed. He felt so comfortable there with her in his arms. He sighed and got up and dressed. When Dustin came in and appoligized, he nodded, and handed the pamplet to him. "I will not try to talk you out of it, but I want you to think and think hard of what it might do to your sister. Also ask yourself if you are capable of taking another persons life. Some find it easy, others even if they are being shot at find it hard to shoot back and kill another human being. When I went, I was full of anger and desire for revenge. I did not hesitate to kill, but after I killed my first I was deathly sick for two days. " he told Dustin, "It changes a man, changes him forever. It is something that I would not reccomentd to everyone."

He grabbed his book bag and homework. "As for last night, I know you love your sister and want to protect her. If and when we ever do anything, it will be when she wants to and I tell you now, I will do nothing to hurt her." he put a hand on Dustin's shoulder.

Downstairs, Mary came out of the kitchen and gave Dani a big hug. "You did good last night. It is the first time he has had a good sleep since he came home." she knew that eventually the two of them probably would be getting alot more intiment and it did not bother her. She remembered her husband and her dating and their first time. It was way before they got married. She pulled her into the kitchen and spoke low, "We all have our ways of dealing with things, some are worse then others. But I am sure you will get through yours as I did mine. Alex is a wonderful and strong shoulder to lean on." she gave Dani a kiss on the forehead and then grabbed her purse and yelled up to Alex that she was going . She went out to her car and was soon driving off to work.

Dustin took the pamphlet. "My sister is unable to work, she has panic attacks, and migrains, with those Migrains she loses the abilty to hold on to anything and gets high fevers, she would hate that I told you, but if I get a job in the military, she will be taken care of, I could declare her as my dependant." He shook his head. "What else am I suppose to do, I cant affored to go to college so I cant get a good job but with this I could get my college and Danis done. She is trying so hard to get a scholship, for acting, anything, she is on the student councell for she knows that will help, she does a lot of service work, I am sure you have seen the dark circles under her eyes? Inbetween her acting, student concel, peer councelling, libary work, her homework, and her work with the VA she doesnt sleep." He paused and looked up at her. "She doesnt like me to know it but she is heading for a breakdown, and I want to prevent that." He shrugged and went downstairs and greeted his sister.

Meanwhile downstairs Dani knew that Mary had gotten a clear view of her arms. She nodded. "It just look like Alex needed someone to hold him." As she was pulled into the kitchen Dani couldnt bring her eyes up to met Marys. She nodded. "You raised a really good boy you should be proud."

As she left Dani made sure her dog had time to go outside then went aftr him to clean up then came back inside and feed them both, "Boys come on we are going be late"

Dustin had told Alex alot in just a couple minutes. Dani had more going on with her then he had thought. He realized he was going to have more to do to help her then he had origianlly thought. But she was worth it. He came down stairs and took her in his arms and hugged her. He then took a ring out of his pocket, his class ring and took her hand and slipped it on to one of her fingers. It was of course to big for here slinder finger but it was the act that was important.

This made it official, it was telling her and everyone that would see it that Dani was now his girl." He looked down into her eyes as he brough her hand up to his lips and kissed it.

Dani was growing impatient the boys seemed to be taking forever. She paced and began snapping the hair band around her wrist while she waiting for them. Finally she heard them coming down the stairs first Dustin who greeted her with a smile. "Morning Mrs. Alex" Dani gasped blushed and then punched him in the arm. Dustin laughed. "Well I got practise today again, thinking of rejoining the ROTC what do you think?" Dani shrugged "If you want Dustin, I just dont want you to to over burden yourself, we have exams, and you are already in 3 sports."

When Alex came down she turned her attention to him and hugged him back. "Good morning Alex" She winked. But has he took out the ring she gasped and brought her hands to her mouth. "Oh Alex are you sure?"

Alex chuckled. "Yes I am sure." Turning to Dustin. "We will stop by your place so you can get your car. You have practice and and other things to do." This way he could spend time with Dani after school. He would stay there for her various after school activities and then take her home. He drover over to their old place and dorpped Dustin off and then went on to school.

Parking the car he took out a laynard and slipped the ring on to it. Then he put it around her neck. It rested ontop of her father's dog tags. He wanted everyone to see that she was his girl now. Once out of the car, one could see the other students arriving looking at them, especially when he put an arm about her waist. He just grinned and held her tighter.

He waved to a few of those they had met the day before. At least they had a few friends. Dani had other girls she could talk to and discuss things. It was a start for her.